On Both Sides
by AncientArchive
Summary: On one side, there exist two samurais, both equally eccentric in their own rights. On the other side, there exists a hidden colony of wand whipping wizards and a kingdom of magical creatures. Usually these two sides stays separate, but when a wicked plot starts to play out, the two worlds would collide. Gintama style. HijiGin. It's yaoi but I'll label the chapters so you can skip.
1. Chapter 1

A Gintama x Harry Potter Fanfic by AncientArchive

Hello there dear readers. I am a huge fan of Gintama and have a manic infatuation of Harry Potter crossovers. Since there is a _serious_ lack of Gintama fanfics of _any _sort out there on the internet, I decided to contribute one of my own. English is not really my thing and this story is most definitely unbetaed (mostly because I don't actually know how to find one), I beg all of you out there to help me. Just contact me at blueesj to give my story a try!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or Harry Potter. They belong to Hideaki Sorachi and JK Rowling respectively. It doesn't stop me from dreaming myself as a cliche Mary Sue who suddenly found herself in an alternate universe though.

Chapter 1: On One Side, There Lived A 'Useless' Yet Eccentric Man

_It was a world of blood red. Rocks, which he knew in his mind, that were supposed to be an earthy brown was merely a darker shade of red- like that of dried blood crusted over the rough and uneven surfaces. Trees were a lighter, warmer shade of red, like that of an evening sun, not that there were many. It was a barren land, the place that he stood in, with open emptiness, vacant space and a never ending view of the sandy maroon ground._

_He ignored his surroundings for a moment and solemnly tilted his head up to the sky which used to be a happier shade of blue. A wince immediately formed when he realized, with an awful sinking feeling in his stomach that not only was it the familiar spectre of red, the red that he spilled in gallons during the Joui War, it was also drizzling blood. Instantaneously, the smell of iron blasted the senses in his nose, the acidic odour burning deep within the cavity of his lungs._

_His hand reached up to cover his nose but the smell managed to sneak in between the minute spaces between his fingers. The smell was intense, much more than he remembered it to be. Or maybe it had been such a long time since he had been in a true battlefield that he became mellow and had forgotten the intensity of the repulsive stench. He could taste the coppery tang in the air, only to be amalgamated with the acidic burning of his throat when his stomach convulsed heavily. The constant shades of red swirled around him, different hues of the colour mixing in whirlpools and tornadoes and the edges of his vision tinted with the comforting black._

_It did not come to his attention when the universe was not only red but much tilted to a fault. However, when he felt his right shoulder painfully collide with gravel and sharp rocks of the red soil, the relief was tremendously overwhelming. It was not a quick switch from red to black but a slow fade out of consciousness to a murky black, and the last thing he saw, dark red and beaded with black, was a skull leering back at him with haunted holes and a disturbing smile. He fell into the ocean of unawareness, his heart freezing with pure, unadulterated fear._

It was not often that the nightmares came back to trouble his sleep. He prided himself for being seemingly uncaring about the past, no matter how painful it was. Everything present was important and the past, as valuable as they were in teaching him countless lessons, were hindrances that set him back emotionally and mentally. He did not need to remember the blood nor the bodies nor the numerous faces of agony and desperation of both his important allies and enemies, and neither did he want to. The last time he was struck by those horrible memories was when Kagura and Shinpachi were kidnapped by the Harusame Green bastard, whose name he could not remember, but he did know there was a pig inserted somewhere within the arc. That was a truly stressful time that opened his eyes to some things (like how necessary the two teenagers were in his lifetime or how annoying they really are) and it worried him a great deal that this could be the worst omen.

Was lightning going to strike him if he went out wearing his usual outfit? Was Ketsuno Ana going to start working in America because the Yakiniku here was not of her standard? Was Shonen Jump going to stop? The thought of someone dying played in his head but he quickly tossed that to the back of his mind, buried deep within trashier thoughts, with a speed of an ace baseball.

"Calm down, Gintoki. You're a bit too old to wet your bed just from one stupid dream," he murmured to himself. The sun was up and Kagura was probably up and about on her morning exercises with that boyfriend of hers, but he kept it low just in case Shinpachi had already arrived. When he could feel the thumping of blood in his ears slowing down to a comfortable rate, he swept his slightly trembling fingers through his sweaty hair and let out an exasperated sigh. "Stupid dream."

He glanced at the clock and it was a second later that the Justaway figurine started vibrating as it rang shrilly throughout the quiet house. An impulse to throw away the bloody efficient alarm clock coursed through him but he deemed it no attention. Alarm clocks nowadays were getting a bit expensive. Either way, they had a job today. He has a total of thirty minutes to cook breakfast and bathe before Kagura come back all sweaty from her morning workout, demanding food loudly like the bratty annoying child she was.

Groaning from the strain of his tense muscles, he slowly stood up and staggered drunkenly, swaying from side to side as if dancing in the moonlight, in the bathroom to get a quick shower. Then, he whipped up a quick, simple breakfast just in time for the Yato girl to enter the house, the wooden door slamming shut behind her with excessive strength.

"Gin-chan, I'm hungry!" Kagura's sweaty face popped up beside the door of the kitchen, her white cheeks red and panting slightly from the exercise. "It's not wise to keep a child starving! Or else we wouldn't be able to grow and I'll blame it on you-aru!"

He rolled his eyes visibly at her, blatantly showing of his satire. "Stupid child. No way am I going to allow you to eat all sweaty and disgusting. I can smell your stench from here. It's like going to the gym after forty bulky men did a three hour workout without ventilation. Go and bathe first before I eat everything all by myself." He pinched a morsel of fish with his fingers and made a show of swallowing it loudly before sneering at her. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

She gasped as if unbelieving that he could ever do such a cruel thing to her, before it struck her like a lightning bolt that yes, that was exactly what sadists usually do. In a blink of his eyes, the China girl zoomed from the kitchen doorway, out of his sight and into the bathroom for one of the fastest showers in the history of mankind.

"Good morning!" came the cheerful voice which he easily identified it as Shinpachi. He did not bother to reply but the muffled voice of Kagura shouting "Morning, four-eyes" was quite audible. He tried to take as many plates in one hand because making two trips would be a pain but the bowls of rice were wobbling dangerously. It seemed as if he did have to make the second trip. On second thought...

"Oi, Shinpachi, help me take the remaining plates from the kitchen!" He commanded as he walked into the living room with three plates of fried fish and rice balanced hazardously within his grasp. As he walked cautiously through the room like a circus person walking across a tightrope, he looked in his peripheral view of Shinpachi sighing but willingly going to the kitchen.

As he put down the big breakfast meal, the slam of the bathroom door colliding harshly with the wall resounded again. "Woo ho! A heavy breakfast-aru!" A red flash raced past him, sat down and started to gulp down spoonfuls of rice seemingly without chewing anything.

"Kagura-chan, at least wait for us to put down all the plates first before eating," Shinpachi nagged as he stepped into the living room with a bowl of soup and boiled eggs. "And how in the world do you eat without chewing? How are you not choking right now? Where's your gag reflex?"

The girl peered up over the side of her bowl and deadpanned, "Shut up. A real woman has none of that- aru."

"That's not actually a good thing, is it!"

"Ah, leave the beast alone, Shinpachi," Gintoki coolly said as he began digging into the food as well. "As long as she eats like a starved man, I'm pretty sure we have nothing to worry about. No men would go after her."

Kagura scowled but casually replied, "And I'm sure your swordsman skills are useless because you don't have any women to show off your sword down there."

"Huh?! What are you thinking talking like that to your betters, you bratty China girl?"

"Betters? As if you consider as one, you useless old man!"

"Just because I have silver hair does not mean I'm old! I'm 26. Old is what you call your father, or the old hag downstairs, or the insane mechanic, or the stupid captain of the Shinsengumi!" By then, the bowls have laid forgotten on the table as the verbal fight got more intense. Gintoki was pointing his chopsticks at Kagura opposite him while she had one foot on the table, fully prepared to launch at him once he toed the line.

"God, you two," Shinpachi grumbled, "It's only 10 in the morning. Can you leave the fighting until the afternoon? The neighbours have been complaining lately. And why is Kondo-san considered old? He's only 30 this year."

The other two rarely listened to him but he was utterly grateful when they did. Scrunching their face in disgust at each other, they slowly settled down. "No, he's old because he had already passed his mid-life crisis a long time ago. He's past that stage by now. He's on a whole new adventure to discover his senior citizen life. The one where senior citizens always do as they please because no one has authority over them, you know? He's like that now, isn't he, completely neglecting his duties just to stalk that gorilla sister of yours."

"Then Sa-Chan-san is old too, isn't she?" Kagura asked thoughtfully, their previous spite totally reconciled in the matter of seconds.

"That crazy ninja? No, she's young but insane. Somebody get me the mental hospital number so they can bring her in. She'd probably love it anyway; the straitjacket would make her truly happy there. It'd be like a five-star resort in the Maldives to her."

Before Shinpachi could reluctantly agree to that, the doorbell rang, instantly gaining everyone's attention. They snapped their head so quickly in the direction of the door that they neck cracked and to their immense glee, a tall shadow of a man could be seen through the rice-papered door. Evidently, they brought their own sweet time to answer the door because the man outside made a move to push the doorbell once more, the melodious sound that rang 'money' and 'food' inside their head chimed throughout the house.

"Answer it, Shinpachi!" Gintoki ordered, quickly gulping mouthfuls of food before grabbing his empty bowl and plates to the sink in the kitchen. "Quick, Kagura, finish Shinpachi's share for him!"

"Woo ho!" Kagura cheered and engulfed everything down before Shinpachi had any time to disagree. "Thanks for the food, Shinpachi!"

After that, she grabbed everything else left on the table and swept them to the sink. At the same time, Gintoki came running back with a wet towel and scrubbed the dirty mug stains away. It seemed as if their customer had arrived earlier than he had anticipated. Looking at the clock, he chastised himself. No, the customer was right on time, even down to the last minute.

"Shinpachi!" Gintoki hissed as he settled on the chair behind the table to look representable. Nervously, he attempted to smooth out the curls on his head. This customer was extremely important. Considering that they have done nothing but free jobs for the past month, money was running extremely low for them. It was only a matter of time for Tama to come booming down the door, demanding the rent. "Door! Now! Kagura, Sadaharu, prepare tea!"

"How does a dog prepare tea-aru?"

"Who cares? Just do it!"

The door opening was as clear as a fart in a silent library. From where he sat, he could hear Shinpachi apologizing profusely for answering the door late and asking the client to enter, the client slowly slipping his shoes off and the soft tapping of feet until a man appeared in the front room. The client was about fifty, his hair a shocking mix of grey and white. The corners of his eyes were crinkled with crow's feet yet his brown eyes looked youthful and filled with kindness and hidden behind thick rimmed glasses. He was tall, towering even over Gintoki, easily reaching around 180cm or so. Despite his old age and his vulnerable physical appearance, it was obvious that he stayed fit. The dark blue suit that he wore was fit cutting and showed the lines of muscular calves and thick biceps. To Gintoki, he looked more of a ninja librarian than an archaeologist, which he said over the phone, was supposedly his work.

"Ah, Koiishiro-san, I deeply apologise for the delay," he stood up and nodded his head politely.

Koiishiro Takeshi smiled warmly back at him, his eyes suddenly disappearing to thin curved slits. "No matter, Sakata-san. I understand from the lovely bar woman downstairs that you are not much of an early-riser."

He felt his cheeks flush red and hot from embarrassment and hastily stood up to change the subject. "Please sit, Koiishiro-san," he said civilly, gesturing to the sofa. He, too, manoeuvred around the table and sat down on the sofa beside Shinpachi and opposite Koiishiro.

"Tea, Client-san?" Kagura asked, she and her dog walking out of the kitchen, the tray with a four steaming cups of green tea balanced precariously on Sadaharu's nose, as if a circus show. Gintoki felt his heart freeze, anxious that the dog would tumble the tray but thankfully enough, the dog managed to steadily place the tray on the table. Even better was that the client seemed overjoyed at the 'wonderful skills' the gigantic dog had.

"Thank you, young lady," the man said and took a gentle sip from the steaming cup. Kagura smiled, pleased that she was referred to a young lady than the usual 'beast' or 'China girl' and plopped down beside Gintoki so that the man was sandwiched by the other two. Sadaharu obediently lay down near her feet.

"Well, to introduce ourselves, I am Sakata Gintoki, and this are my associates, Shimura Shinpachi," the boy bowed his head courteously, "and Kagura," she smiled wildly at him. "You said yesterday, over the phone, that you need some help with a certain artefact?"

"Ah yes," the professor nodded his head enthusiastically and began digging furiously in the haversack that he brought along. It did not take long for him to produce a thick book, clearly a few centuries old. The top was covered with moldy leather, the spine patterned with parallel lines and the pages brown and dry. "This is a book that I found during one of my digs. I found it in an abandoned village. It is almost a hundred years old, dating back to the 1700s. Nowadays, it's hardly uncommon to find an English book in a Japanese village, taking the trade routes, but I am to believe that there is more to this book than face-value.

"Regrettably, it seemed as if it is not only me who thinks so. I made a grave mistake of not checking my expedition team thoroughly enough before deploying them to the site. More and more robbers are beginning to disguise themselves as archaeologists as a chance to steal these valuable artefacts away. A simple pot on the black market could easily fetch about a 10 million yen.

"One of my trusted assistants turned out to be one of those cruel robbers. He was with me when I found it and obviously knew the true value of it as well as I do. In the middle of the night, he tried to snatch it away from me, along with many other valuable relics. We could not stop him. The only thing I could rip from his clutches was this book. Everything else was taken away."

"Neh, neh, Gin-chan, if we get the book, can we sell it away? It looks as if it would pay more than his measly sum," Kagura whispered to Gintoki, her usually loud voice softened just enough for Shinpachi to hear.

Being the straight man he always was, Shinpachi whipped his head around and whispered furiously back," Stop it, Kagura! That's basically stealing it already! Right, Gin-san?"

"That sounds like a good idea, Kagura!" Gintoki gave her a thumbs-up. "Sometimes, your brain does have some use after all!"

"While yours apparently don't!" Shinpachi snapped. "What's wrong with you and your morality?"

Gintoki turned to look at him and with the straightest face, he said nonchalantly, "Morality? Don't joke with me, Pachie. I have none."

"Clearly!"

"Sorry? Excuse me for interrupting but can I finish my story first before the three of you continue on with your discussions?" Koiishiro-san sheepishly asked.

Feeling ashamed for blatantly ignoring the client, Shinpachi apologised and urged him to go on.

"As I was saying, my assistant actually belongs to one of the Yakuza groups. I do not recognize the name of that group but I can vividly remember the tattoo on his right cheek. It's a tattoo of a sun with a two-fold tomoe within it."

"Your assistant must have returned right?" Shinpachi guessed, "Or else you would have gone over to the police instead of us."

Koiishiro nodded his head wearily. "You are right. Whichever gang he came from, this book must be very important to him. After running away with easily over 10 billion yen worth of relics, coming back merely for this book would be outrageous. That was exactly what I thought until one night, when we were packing up to return to the university, all the guards on duty were killed by a group of assailants. There was little ruckus and many of us were still asleep. If it was not for one brave guard who fought to ring the alarm bell, I would not be here and neither would this book. Once everyone was awake, the attackers speedily escaped. There was absolutely no artefact for us to bring back from that expedition except for this book. This was their target."

They nodded their head in unison, the younger two totally engaged in with the story.

"I kept it with me at all times but I am afraid that the book is still in much danger. I have a friend in Kabukicho who highly recommended you to help me guard this book , at least until I am assured it is safe for me to look through it. He said there was no one stronger than you here, and if there was someone who is capable of going against a Yakuza gang, it would most definitely be you. All I need is two weeks to run the necessary security detail. I'm willing to pay 600000 yen for it, 100000 yen as deposit and the remainder at the end of two weeks. Is that all right with you?"

Truthfully speaking, Gintoki's mind was already off track from the current conversation and was focused mostly on the chocolate parfait that was in the fridge. He caught little bits here and there which he quickly considered it as unimportant, absolutely sure that his handy Shinpachi would be more than enough as a notepad for information. Still, at the mention of the, quite frankly, a massive sum that Koiishiro was willing to pay, his mind had snapped back to the right lane. The three's eyes widened comically and their jaws hung loose like a door swinging open on its hinges.

Seeing their rather astounded expression, the old man chuckled wearily but with good humour. "I realize it's a very significant amount of money, even more than what CEOs would normally pay per job request. Nonetheless, this is just to show how important this book is to me. My assistant wants it, his gang wants it and I need to know why. Something as mysterious and baffling as this puzzle... It would kill me to know I lived to pass this opportunity up."

He could not be bothered about how the man was obsessed about puzzles or not. Right now, the only thing he cared was the money and the cartons of strawberry milk he could buy without feeling the slightest tinge of guilt. "Of course we'd do it, Koiishiro-san! We, the Yorozuya, have never failed a job in the two years we'd been running! Just leave everything to us!" He gave a thumbs-up for good measure, and an overly stretched smile that probably looked exaggerated.

"That's right-aru! I am a Yato and I would beat anyone who comes between me and my Sukonbu!" Kagura piped up, looking pumped about the idea of injuring someone. Sadaharu barked enthusiastically, his tail wagging more furiously than before. If the plastic smile on Gintoki's face could not convince the client to believe in them, the fact that Kagura had destroyed the corner of the table in her giddiness was more than enough to prove their capabilities.

Koiishiro-san looked startled as the wood splintered to many tiny pieces before his eyes. Some even managed to pierce the poor girl's foot but she barely acknowledged the pain. It was obvious that she was a Yato. Although it was rare for someone as volatile as the Yato clan to tolerate staying with humans for long, much less two years. The other two were Samurais and while he had been traipsing across Siam at that time, even he had heard about the Samurais' relentless spirit. "Good. This," he handed the book to Gintoki, feeling a reluctance tugging at every corner of his old heart, "is the book and this is the 100000 yen I promise you. I would be back in two weeks. If I am not..." He shook his head tiredly. "I will call you."

The book within his grasp was heavier than it looked and very old. There was no name on the book, but the leather skin to bind and protect the book from water or mildew. It was dusty and smelled odd and it was still unbelievable that this book was worth over a million yen. He roughly opened the book, ignoring the flinch from the client with an experienced mind, and was only more unimpressed when he realised that absolutely everything was in English. The envelope containing the thick stack of money was, undoubtedly, of more interest. "Sure. The office number would always be in use."

"One more question, the assistant of yours, how does he look like? Other than the tattoo you described." See, this was why Shinpachi had always been handy to have around. He had the aptitude to ask all the correct questions. Gintoki couldn't even remember an assistant somewhere in Koiishiro's story.

"Oh, I have forgotten about him! Thank you, Shimura-san, for reminding me. I have a picture of him..." He shuffled around his bag for a minute and finally successfully pulled the photo out. Shinpachi reached out with both hands to get it. "My assistant is Sumakiri Ryuunosuke. I have his application form somewhere... He's tall, much taller than me and very muscular. That was the reason why I accepted him into the expedition crew. Muscles like his are very useful for lifting and within that limited time span, his help was crucial. The fact that he is an extremely intelligent man contributed to my decision too, though I would certainly call it shrewdness than cleverness after all that had happened."

Gintoki merely nodded his head, humming in agreement to god knows what as his eyes practically worshipped the envelope in his right hand. Shinpachi nodded in full awareness of the situation, being the only one of the three that really knew the entire story.

"What happened?" Kagura questioned and Shinpachi fought a battle against the urge to slam his head repeatedly on the damaged table. The client looked at her, his eyes wide with concern and uncertainty about their capabilities. She, on the other hand, was indifferently digging her nose with a picky finger.

Knowing full well that the only person who had listened was the glasses wearing boy, Koiishiro tilted to Kagura and said with the slightest bit of desperation tinted in his voice, "Do I honestly have to repeat the last few hundred words in many paragraphs again? My throat is getting very dry."

Panic driving furiously through his blood, and exasperation forming at the back of his mind, Shinpachi waved his arms around frantically. He was caught completely off guard. Why, he did not understand. Something like this was a constant in nearly every chapter of the Manga and every episode in the anime. Since he was the straight guy, handling this kind of situations should be his best ability but for now, his mind drew up with a blank. "Uh... Ah..."

"No need to worry, Koiishiro-san," a jolly voice sounded. It was unnatural to the point of a narration in a fairy tale. Shinpachi sent Gintoki a furious glare that read 'What-the-hell-are-you-doing?" which the man casually brushed off. "Just ignore this girl and trust us! The book would be safe within our hands and you'll be able to give us our money by the end of this week!"

"Firstly, can you be more subtle on your greed for the rest of the cheque! Secondly, it's in two weeks time! At least get your facts right before acting like a fake know-it-all!"

"Calm down, Patsuan. I was just testing you, that's all."

"The hell you were!"

Looking at the two males fighting before him and the girl, completely engrossed in finding the golden treasure in her nostrils, Koiishiro figured it was a perfect time to leave. Doubt wriggled into his mind but it was too late for him to withdraw his request. The money and book were already handed over. He stood up to take a leave and when no one gave him the slightest glance to catch him out, he silently went away, the interest within him multiplying like bacteria.

God, help him.

No. God, help them.

So that's the end of the first chapter. Give me a review and tell me on what areas to improve. Or, just for the heck of it, tell me how you would like this story to progress so that you can convince me to change the story plot laying out in my mind. I promise to give it a good thought! (Y)

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

A Gintama x Harry Potter Fanfiction by AncientArchive

I'm sorry, I'm late. And this story is a bit _lengthy_ and _draggy_ and _long_ and halfway through, I realise I have no idea where I'm going. And you should realise that this story would never be reaching anywhere close to Harry Potter until around the sixth chapter. _**I'm sorry. **_But I posted this still, so I got that going for me, which is nice. BAM! _**Meme reference**_! This also shows that I have spent _far_ too much time on 9gag and funsubstance than absolutely healthy. **I have a bit of science-y thing going up here but I **_**suck **_**at biology and I'm just flopping here on unknown grounds, going 'What -gasp- the -gasp- am I doing?'.** And yeah, not much action here.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or Harry Potter. Like, nowhere close.

Chapter 2: On The Same Yet Different Side, There Lived A Slightly More Politically Important Man

For a compound that served both as a headquarter and a hostel for unruly men, the Shinsengumi headquarters was awfully hushed. On normal days, there would be at least one group doing Kendo exercises or stupid Yamazaki and his friends playing badminton in the front garden. Today, however, the rough voice of Kondo counting could hardly be heard, mostly because the commander was sitting right before him. Yamazaki and his badminton friends weren't where they usually played too because he, in a fit of righteous anger, had sent them on a useless undercover operation which he knew would lead to nothing.

Nevertheless, despite the unsettling silence, he decided firmly to use this opportunity to appreciate the peaceful stillness that rarely came by. The last time he was ever close to such hush was when his people were getting knocked down one by one by an impregnated mosquito-esque Amanto and, which, truth to be told, was hardly serene for him with all the screaming and jump scares. If he thought Sadako was scary, that baby and her _literal_ baby took the blood-sucking cake.

Thoughts aside, he took a deep breath of his cigarette, feeling the sensation of an adrenaline rush that strangely calmed him down more than sending him onto an energised frenzy. The tip burned a bright gold with the intake of breath but was then smothered on an ash tray as Hijikata put the cigarette away.

Before him, Kondo sat calmly with his eyes closed. To other people, the man would seem to be appreciating the silence, but he knew better. That idiot was probably dreaming about the Yorozuya boy's sister.

"Kondo-san," he chastised when a full ten minutes of useless breathing had gone by without a single word being said. "Stop thinking about that woman. You said it was something important."

An eye peeked open to glance at him with incredulity. When the only response he received was Hijikata's straight face, Kondo sighed in disappointment and shook his head. "Toshi! You really don't get it. That woman is important! So what if there's someone going about killing people? So what if the Bakufu is weighing serious threats down on us right now? So what if we're about to be forced to commit Seppuku? Toshi," the man said with bursting conviction, his voice increasing in volume as he became more agitated. "When you're in love, everything is shining in your eyes, no matter how bleak life is in the eyes of other's!"

"I'm telling you right now that in my eyes and hers that your life is as dull as a pile of dog's shit! Clearly it's something incredibly significant! Just spit it out or else your bright life you see before your eyes suddenly turn to black like a bloody eclipse! Get your priorities straight, seriously!"

Kondo pouted, his face contorting to see a wounded puppy but failing miserably. "You don't have to be so harsh on me, mother..."

"Who the hell is your mother?!" Knowing that to continue arguing with Kondo was akin to taking that one step closer to busting his blood vessels, he took a deep breath and counted backwards from ten. Only when he felt the anger coursing within him subsided considerably did he continue. "No, seriously, what's going on?"

Sensing the shift in the conversation, Kondo wisely decided to keep the hare-brained comments to himself. "I'm surprised you hadn't heard of the murders yet. It's proper procedure for such cases to reach your hands first before it reaches mine."

"Since when was the Shinsengumi anything about proper procedures?"

"But then again, it was Sougo who received the case first, so it does make some sense," Kondo forged on despite the interruptions. "Toshi, I advise you to be prepared for another attempt on your life."

"See, this is why we can never have 'proper procedures'! What type of police force has captains that try to kill the vice-commander? And don't say that so casually as if you're taking a walk in a park!"

"No, this is taking a walk in a Grand Line park*. Normal parks don't contain bazookas and guns. Back to the main point, the first killing was found at least two weeks ago by a pedestrian in an alleyway of First Street between the 'Suiton: Taihodan! Laundry' and the 'Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu! Bakery.**'"

"That's just a blatant rip off isn't it?" Hijikata snapped. "At least try to make it less obvious like 'Suiton: We Wash Violently!' or 'Katon: We Try Our Hardest Not To Overcook Our Bread' or something! And isn't this kind of killings supposed to be under the police force? We don't usually handle murder cases unless it involves the Shogunate or the Jouishishi in some way."

"Sometimes in life there are things that need to be obvious. The least we can do is try to make it so for the sake of others, even when we place ourselves in the line of fire. And that would usually be so but as of chapter 463, Hideaki Sorachi suddenly deemed us as necessary in solving normal homicides," Kondo coughed into his mouth as he subtly changed the discussion. "On a more serious note, the police force was on the case but after the sixth body had piled in and with absolutely no clues, To-tsan chose to drag us along."

Hijikata peaked an eyebrow as he gazed inquiringly at Kondo. "Then? What did Sougo find?"

"That's why I'm giving these images and case files to you."

"Why? Sougo is smart. Don't tell me he didn't notice anything."

"Oh, I know he's smart. He was too lazy to do it so he passed it on to you."

"That stupid asshole!" Hijikata hissed with a clenched fist that promised pain for his subordinate. Despite being hell-bent on declining the case, at the end of the day it was Kondo's orders so he accepted the case files with overflowing reluctance that oozed with every breath. He peeked at Kondo who gestured him to open and look through the photos.

It was a disgusting scene, splayed with splatters and streaks of red like an artist's abstract painting of a fire truck. Hijikata knew a human's body contained at least 10 pints of blood but to see it dyeing the dull and filthy alleyway with crimson was nauseating. It covered over ancient posters pasted across the walls, splashed over over-filling rubbish cans and ran across the sandy soil. The dead body was an even worse sight to see. The large gash on the person's neck was definitely the cause of death judging by the depth that even he could tell from the photos. The murderer seemed as if he was attempting to cut off a chunk of the man's flesh while he was at it. Even so, it was an immediate death. Wordlessly, he examined the other photos too, noting that the death-causing injury, while same in appearance, was scattered in different parts of the body of different victims.

"The victims are generally large size and very muscular. The perpetrator either possesses insurmountable power, is an Amanto or matches these victims in size. The sixth victim is about 190cm tall," Hijikata pointed out. He paused suddenly as a thought crossed his mind. "Scratch that. This is Kabukicho we're talking about here. Crazy strong basically sums up the whole population there."

That was definitely undeniable.

Hijikata continued to scan through the various pictures that, altogether, had very little variety. Every crime scene was, placed in the simplest term, red. The only difference between the scenes was the victims.

"And the victims, "he gestured a hand towards the photos."They have no connections whatsoever?"

The low intonation of Kondo's hum was more than sufficient as an answer. "Not that we know of. Victim 1 is a construction worker working in Kabukicho's second district. Victim 2 is a foreign minister in the Bakufu who stays inside the palace. The third victim is a proprietor of a small antique shop down at the fourth district while the fourth , strangely enough, is a sewage cleaner who lives in the same district. The fifth is the minister of finance and, related to the victim 2, stays within the palace. Victim 6 is an engineer working part time in the Terminal. None of them were recorded down in the police database. As far as we know, the murderer is plucking them off the streets to his heart's content."

If knowing the barbarism of the murder was not enough, knowing that there was no similarity in the killings was worse. This left the Shinsengumi at an obvious disadvantage with their limited knowledge of his modus operandi. To his knowledge, that usually meant that the murderer was either a blood-thirsty sociopath, a psychotic killer or a hit man.

"If anything, I place my bets on a hit man. Although, it does seem unlikely," Kondo hummed once more, this time in agreement. "While the killings look to be random, a normal person driven to kill due to mental instability would never take a high risk victim such at the ministers. Even if this was the murderer trying his hand in determining how far he could go, it would not make sense because he's not gradually changing his victims according to risk level as victim 2 is a minister. On the other hand, a normal hit man would never leave a crime scene like this."

"You're right as usual, Toshi. Hit men prefer to be immaculate in their assassinations. And in a normal case, the decision between a hit man and a psychotic killer would be a confusing 50-50..."

"But?"

"Would it help you that even with the seeming lack of foresight and caution, that not one jot of blood or a strand of hair belonged to anyone other than the victim himself. Considering that this is an alleyway that the bodies were found, that is strange. We went over the garbage cans, the walls, the ground and more or less everywhere for any DNA. There was none."

"In an alleyway? None at all?" Hijikata let out a low whistle. This was proof of expertise and definitely a sign of a highly stable mindset. "Messy yet undeniably immaculate, the doings of a hit man or a sociopath."

"Toshi, I'm presenting this case to you. In the mean time, Sougo and the remainder of the units would take care of Jouishishi activities in Kabukicho so that you can concentrate. This case remains our top priority. Failure," At this, Kondo's voice turned grim. "Failure to do so would end in Seppuku. The Bakufu can't afford another death in their government and they're panicking right now."

"Wow, way to lay the pressure on, Kondo-san."

Kondo gave him a thumb up and grinned so wide his canines sparkled. "I try my best."

"I wasn't complimenting you! Notice the sarcasm, please!" Frustration and pressure built up within him and soon, he lacked the will to resist the familiar rush of adrenaline a cigarette gave him. With nimble fingers, he whipped out a cigarette and lit it with his lighter. He breathed deep, enjoying the stream of nicotine in his lungs. This was much better. "In the end, I'll solve it so leave everything to me."

Satisfied with his answer, Kondo nodded once, with total faith in the brains of his second-in-command. If there was anyone who would be able to solve this case, it would most definitely be him. He raised his index finger. "A month. That's all the Bakufu gave. In truth, even a month would be too long. The murderer gets a victim almost every other day. By the end, the death count would be excessively high."

Hijikata did not need Kondo to tell him how grave the situation was. Quietly, he stood up and with one last glance that burnt with conviction, he exited the room, the rice door closing softly behind him.

**- How do I insert the line break?-**

Matsudaira had given him the case too late. If the case were given to him during the time of the first murder, it would give him an opportunity and ample time to examine the crime scene. Now with six murders, the last one occurring a mere three days ago, all the crime scenes have been wiped clean that it shone and sparkled. There was no way Hijikata was going to find any evidence there.

In the confines of his room, he examined the files Kondo provided. It contained pictures and the backgrounds of all six victims. Even in the third hour since he started, nothing of significance had taken hold of his attention. He was beginning to feel aggravated beyond belief. It was the sort of feeling that started small, the flame of annoyance easily ignored at the bottom of his stomach, but as time passed, the urge to destroy everything grew irresistible. With a stifled (yet manly) scream, he threw the pictures across the room with all his strength that was amplified by his provocation. However, the pictures didn't get far and gently floated down onto the floor.

"Tch. Even the stupid pictures won't let me vent my anger," he frowned and slammed the tip of his cigarette down on the ashtray with an excessive force. "Looking at the pictures all day won't do me any good."

While the different alleys were wiped till it was spick and span, the bodies were down in the hospital's morgue. From the coroner's preliminary reports, the only cause of death was the large gashes that lead to exsanguinations and that, judging from all the reports, was the only thing that the victims have in common. Undeterred by that, he ultimately decided to check up on the bodies to spot anything the coroner missed. For now, that was the best, or maybe the only, thing he could do to desperately find that one step forward to solving the crime.

Oedo Hospital was only a five minutes drive from the Shinsengumi Headquarters but impatient as he was, he took the patrol car there, flashing lights and blaring horns on full blast. The morgue, as every part of the hospital, was eerie and while it was illuminated by bright fluorescent lamps, did not help to quell his fear of reviving bodies. Especially since the coroner had left him to his doings, going on about chicken chop being served in the hospital cafeteria, his imagination was left to run wild without anyone as company other than the dead. His grip on the handle of his sword constricted tightly and while he knew logically that when it came to the undead, a simple sword would do no injury at all, he was still hoping he could pull a Soul Burial*** from his ass.

Standing in the silence of the room, a shiver ran down his spine and spread like delicate threads of a spider web to every nerve of his fingertips. The morgue was in the basement of the hospital so there had rarely been anyone walking pass by here unless it was the policemen examining the body. Forget Jackie Chan, the coroner was up there in his 'World's Bravest' List.

Before the coroner had left all giggling like a school girl on Valentine's Day about Chicken Chop, at least he had helpfully pulled out the six dead and very pale bodies out for him to examine. Even though his reply at that point of time was an uncommitted hum, he was very thankful because after the dead food shop owner and the 'vampire' incident, he was fully intent on keeping a wide berth when it comes to corpses.

Not that studying the six victims was any easier... Perhaps it would do him and his fragile heart some good to call Yamazaki down to the morgue to do the examinations in his stead. The moment that thought crossed his mind, he instantly discarded it, knowing that Yamazaki was out on a mission. Either way, it was too late. And coming up with an excuse was a pain too without his healthy dose of nicotine.

Sighing, he surrendered himself to his job. There was no way out of it and if he had actually shied away from the dead bodies, he might be joining them after he submits himself to the merciless and fatal sword when he fails to solve the case. Moving slowly yet purposefully, he pulled on the latex gloves, his limbs feeling like lead and yet it vibrated faster than Usain Bolt high.

He took an exaggerated large gulp of air as he rolled down the plastic sheet with trembling hands. A very white face appeared into view and his frown automatically deepened. This was the first victim and while his pallor had faded from a tan brown to a snowy white, the fuzzy eyebrows unquestionably identified him as the 26 year old construction worker, Konomata Tenosuke. Peeking up from under his v-shaped bangs, he noted the way the victim's legs rested uncomfortably on the edge of the gurney, as did the rest of them. They were all very tall.

The gash stood a stark red against the pale skin. The gash along the neck had been washed from blood and cleaned but the skin surrounding the stretch was red. It ran from the right clavicle all the way to the tip of his square-ish chin and measured at least 10cm in length and 5cm in width.

His eyes widened as he captured something strange. Mutely, he stepped around the gurney to the second victim. The Foreign Minister, Hanamitsu Itatsu. The gash was situated on the inner thigh of his left leg, cutting through the bone and femoral artery till white shown through red. Similarly, the wound was far too wide for a standard sword and after checking the other four bodies, it was of no surprise to him that the rest of the victims carried similar wounds.

Before the coroner had left in his hurry, he had conveniently placed his notes on his work table which was easily spotted by Hijikata. He impatiently rounded to the messy work desk and snatched up the file. The report was written in an illegible, scribbled handwriting, alike to a doctor's. Luckily for him, he had managed all these years with children's handwriting from his subordinates just fine and could, more or less, make out the words of the notes.

From what he could perceive, the coroner, though lacking in his diligence, was definitely skilled in his work. In the reports for all six bodies, he had included that the wounds were too thick for a katana or a bokuto. With the slash that stood a good five to six centrimetres in breadth, an axe would be more likely as the murder weapon.

But, logically speaking, an axe wound would not be that clean. A katana was sharper than an axe, thus causing a clean cut. An axe, being a blunt weapon and heavier, was difficult to wield and tend to leave a messier wound than a katana.

He frowned at the notes as he began to come to a realisation that everything about this case was a contradiction. The crime scenes that were far too chaotic yet impeccable and the wounds that were too wide yet too clean. With a resigned sigh, he acknowledged that this case was a real challenge of his skills. Regardless, it would not bode him well to give up.

With the file in hand, he began checking on the third victim, the owner of the Antique shop down in the Fourth District, Masamune Ryuunosuke. For someone whose work that required limited movement, the man was very fit, his skin stretched to accommodate for his bulky muscles and popping veins. It did strike him as odd that a businessman such as Masamune would need to be that fit but it could very well be just one of his hobbies. Nonetheless, he kept that question on the growing list in his mind.

The man's gash was across his chest, starting from his armpit and stretched across to the centre of the chest, just inches above his belly button. The wound had cut through the major arteries towards his heart. Out of the six, his death had to be the most instant.

There was nothing uncommon about the fourth victim and the fifth victim, their names Takeshi Hitachi and Imai Kohei respectively. The former was a sewage cleaner while the latter was the minister of finance. He did not take that long examining the two of them and quickly skipped them to the last and most recent addition to the death count.

The sixth victim was the one who caught his eye. Standing at an impressive 190cm, the man was massive, even compared to the rest of the victims, with his feet dangling slightly over the end of the gurney. His name was Sumakiri Ryuunosuke, age 36 and part time worker as an Engineer at the terminal. The wound, he noted when he used his gloved hand to poke cautiously at the wound, was on his right cheek that started at the corner of his left eye and crossed the bridge of his nose all the way to the end. While the others were left fairly untouched, this man was riddled with bruises and cracked bones.

If not for the shape of the wound, this man could be murdered by someone else for all he knew. The injuries sustained were most definitely a result of a fight, judging from the cracked skin around his right knuckles. This was further proved by the coroner's report. Hijikata cracked a gleeful smile, knowing full well that this man was the key to solving the crime, even if he barely fit into the murderer's building MO.

The large body was a painting's fill of clues and as the saying goes 'A picture is worth a thousand words', the same could be said about the body. His experienced eyes and quick mind spotted out clues and made deductions in a flash.

The fact that extra effort was taken by the murderer to get into a hand-to-hand combat with the victim either showed that one, the victim was much bigger than the murderer and hence, was harder to overwhelm or two, the relationship between the two was special enough to invoke deep seated anger. Seeing as the wound started from the left eye, the first conclusion was more likely. In a fight, control is very difficultly reigned. It would be far easier to take a wild swing than a controlled one, particularly in the midst of a rough fight. Someone who is taller would cause an injury starting from the temple or even the scalp of the head.

The injuries were concentrated from the neck to mid chest, suggesting that the murderer could not be shorter than 160 centimetres tall either. Regrettably, there were still hundreds of people between 160 and 190 centimetres tall. Hijikata quickly discarded that important clue to the back of his mind as it was, frankly, quite useless.

The next thing he noticed was that there were absolutely no foreign tissues anywhere on the victim's body. None under the nails or on the scrapes the victim incurred. He had to give it to the man who did this. As usual, everything was neat as a new pin, completely contrasting the bruises that dotted the cold body.

Sighing, he shook his head roughly. This was definitely not the best time to be complimenting the murderer on his murdering skills. That was surely one of the top things people should not be praised and appreciated about. He was not a corpse critic and if he did not get things done, his beheaded body would soon be joining the corpses in this freezing and eerie morgue.

Things definitely was taking a hard turn and he could feel a massive migraine coming. He slipped a trembling hand into his pocket and while he could not smoke due to the stupid hospital policy and all, shaking the half-full box of cigarettes would have to do. As the box rattled in his hands and echoed harshly in the room, he took another quick look at Sumakiri with a focused eye.

There was just something about the man that struck Hijikata odd but, try as he might, he could not place a finger on it. In his eyes, everything fit perfectly like a puzzle. For as far as he could see, there was nothing different about him than the other five, but his gut feelings had never been wrong.

Whatever that stood out to him, he knew it would not do to continue staring at the dead body like a boyfriend in love. If anything, he was certain that this man was the key. Now, all he needed to do was to know about this particular man that the murderer had slipped up. The file did say that he worked as a part-time engineer, so , Hijikata wondered, what else did he do in his free time.

**-Meh. Close Enough.-**

**BAM! Meme reference! **I should stop.

* One Piece reference

** Naruto reference

*** Bleach reference

160 cm is 5.2ft, 190cm is 6.2ft

**IMPORTANT: **Thank you for reading. I have four choices for you: Review. Favourite this story. Follow me. Or just continue to read anonymously because yeah, I am a douchebag too, so I understand. _**I'm sorry**_. However, if you're a biology major of some sorts and reading this fanfic and going 'What the eff is this stupid person thinking?' Good call. I'm not. On the good hand, though, that's what PM and review is for. Tell me and perhaps I'll start using my head a bit more, yeah.

**MORE IMPORTANT: **Another thing, I'll be away on holidays to Japan from the 25th to the 2nd and from then, going to start work until school starts in February. So I'd imagine that this story's update schedule is going to get _pretty _hectic. What about you? Hint hint: _You should probably think the same._


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